Fidelity and Physical Intimacy- Week 11

Fidelity and Physical Intimacy

Fidelity is so important for a marriage to be successful! Marriage is to be founded on God, love, trust, and fidelity!

Kenneth W. Matheson explained the different kinds of fidelity in his talk entitled "Fidelity in Marriage, It's More Than You think." He wrote: 

"Emotional infidelity, which occurs when emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind. Emotional infidelity doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing."

This is an important point that he makes because, too often people rely on others for their emotional connection rather than their souse. This can be a slippery slope because it seems innocent initially, but can easily become a slippery slope of infidelity. 

Being faithful also encompasses being spiritually faithful as Kenneth W Matheson says:

"As we consider the sacred nature of being spiritually faithful to our spouses, we should remember the Savior’s counsel: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:27–28).

We should be careful not to allow relationships even to begin to develop inappropriately. As Paul warned, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

Not only our actions relative to other people, but also our thoughts must be guarded. As Alma explained, our thoughts and words must be pure because we shall be judged for our thoughts as well as our actions, good or ill (see Alma 12:12–15; see also 2 Nephi 9:39; Mosiah 4:30; D&C 88:109)."

I think that this is such wise council, and should be taken seriously. As a married person, some wise precautions my husband and I take to help safeguard our marriage from infidelity are:

• To stay connected as husband and wife-- by spending time together, communicating, and having with one another, go on dates, share about our day, look towards one another for support and love.

• We share when we are in contact with friends-- we do group chats with other couples/or other gender friends

• We are open with who we are in contact with and don't hide things, from each other

• We don't use social media/technology to talk with other people

• We talk highly about our spouse to others-- so that it is known that we are a married couples

My husband often travels for work, which could be an opportunity for infidelity waiting to happen for a couple that is struggling. Luckily my marriage is not struggling, but I acknowledge this "risk factor" per-se. My husband and I are committed to one another and have placed the safeguards in place to help us have strong boundaries. I am grateful that we have these boundaries in place, and that we trust one another!

Brent Barlow shares an interesting idea about "sexual guardianship" in the talk, "They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on Intimacy in Marriage." He wrote, "Paul implies a sexual responsibility when he says: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband." "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” (1 Cor. 7:3–4.) "To me, this means that neither the husband nor the wife alone control the physical relationship, that both are diligent in their commitment to each other, and that both have a nurturing attitude toward the other. With that in mind, let’s look at some of the ways husbands and wives can fulfill their part of this guardianship and better this dimension of their marriage." This was intriguing to be because, before this talk, I had never heard of the term sexual guardianship. It makes sense, and it important we look after and protect ourselves, and those we love.

An area many couples struggle with is physical fidelity and/or pornography addiction. Dallin H. Oaks wrote a talk for the Ensign in May of 2005 entitled Pornography. It read, “Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional, romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or illegal behavior. As conscience is desensitized, patrons of pornography are led to act out what they have witnessed, regardless of its effects on their life and the lives of others.”

I dated multiple guys that had pornography addictions. I witnessed the effects that pornography can have on their ability to connect with others, the inner turmoil it can create, as well as the effect it has on their spirit. Pornography is a prevalent issue that influences many people and their relationships. My experience with dating these guys in the past, has led me to be cautious of dangers of pornography. I am married and make sure that my husband and I have open communication about everything!  My husband knows that I feel strongly about the negative effects of pornography, and we have set expectations for our marriage to not have pornography be a part of it. I believe that having good communication in a marriage can help protect both individuals from the damaging influence of pornography.  

Communication is critical for a successful relationship. It is interesting that intimacy tends to be an area that people struggle to discuss. Brent A. Barlow, discusses this issue in his talk "They Twain Shall Be One", he wrote:

"Partners who feel free to discuss finances, discipline, recreational activities, and so forth, often feel uncomfortable discussing this intimate subject. And they sometimes assume that their intimate relationship should just “naturally” work out and that to discuss it means something has gone wrong."

Communication is so important in all areas of a relationship. I am grateful that my husband and I have such open communication, and don't shy away from conversations about difficult topics.