Marriage

Posts

Council as a Family- Week 12

Family Councils We have been taught that families should council together to check in with one another, plan, and become united. “Each family organization should include a family council comprised of all members of the family unit,” Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says. “Here the basic responsibilities of the family organization can be taught to the children. They can learn how to make decisions and act upon those decisions.” Elder Perry also noted that every family has different needs. Some are students trying to study and raise a family at the same time, some are older and no longer have children at home, some are single parents, and some are individuals living alone. “Each has different needs, and these needs are changing every year,” he said. However, “there is still need to organize time and thought to establish goals for meeting needs.” I believe it is important to have family councils to help the family be united! I have been married for 2.5 ...

Fidelity and Physical Intimacy- Week 11

Fidelity and Physical Intimacy Fidelity is so important for a marriage to be successful! Marriage is to be founded on God, love, trust, and fidelity! Kenneth W. Matheson explained the different kinds of fidelity in his talk entitled "Fidelity in Marriage, It's More Than You think." He wrote: "Emotional infidelity, which occurs when emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind. Emotional infidelity doesn’t usually happen suddenly; rather, it occurs gradually—often imperceptibly at first. This is one reason why those involved often feel innocent of any wrongdoing." This is an important point that he makes because, too often people rely on others for their emotional connection rather than their souse. This can be a slippery slope because it seems innocent initially, but can easily become a slippery slope of infidelity. Being faithful a...

Seeking to Understand- Week 10

Seeking to Understand One Another & Overcoming Gridlock Gridlock is when a couple struggles with perpetual issues that end up killing the relationship because they are set in their ways or are unwilling to compromise and work through the conflict. When a couple tries to work on things, and don't seem to get anywhere, it is a good indicator of being gridlocked. Gottman created a list of the signs of gridlock, that can be helpful to couples to identify how they are doing with managing conflict. There is a difference between solvable and perpetual/gridlocked issues, as Gottman explains, it is important to know how to identify the difference between the two, so that it can be approached in a way that is the most helpful. One way we can overcome gridlock is by the "Marital Poop Detector"... What is this? Well, Gottman explains that it is the ability to recognize "early whether something just doesn't smell right" or if there is a problem. There is usuall...

Managing Conflict-- Week 9

Managing Conflict-- How to make it work! How do we manage marital conflict? In order to manage conflict, we must first understand what is causing the conflict. This can take some digging, because the conflict may be stemming from unmet needs, or an emotion that we "cannot control" . We sometimes hear, “I lost my temper.” Losing one’s temper is an interesting choice of words that has become a widely used idiom. To “lose something” implies “not meaning to," “accidental,” “involuntary,” “not responsible”—careless perhaps but “not responsible.” “He made me mad.” This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose! To those who say, “But I can’t help myself,” author William Wilbanks responds:...

What is Pride? How do we overcome it- Week 8

In President Benson's talk "Beware of Pride," there were many stand out quotes that made me really think. I feel as if I could break down each and every paragraph, because the whole talk was so good! Some of these quotes include: I love this quote because it explains what pride means in more detail than many realize. I know that enmity- which means hostility and opposing someone or something- will interfere with our ability to humble ourselves and change. If we are oppositional towards others and God we will struggle to let down pride. The contrast between pride and humility is an important distinction to make because it puts into perspective that pride and humility do not coincide. We must be willing to humble ourselves in order to change and improve. I know that when people are stubborn it is difficult to be humble. I am someone who can be stubborn at times, therefore I struggle to humble myself to make changes. I know that during the times in my li...

Staying Emotionally Connected

Staying Emotionally Connected Staying emotionally connected is such an important aspect to a strong relationship. All relationships are different, and require a unique attention, but all relationships need emotional connection to flourish in all areas of the relationship. What are Bids for Connection? A bid for connection is any attempt that one partner makes to the other in hopes to connect in a variety of ways: attention, affection, affirmation, etc. These bids could be verbal or nonverbal behaviors that one partner uses to gain attention from the other. The other partner can respond by acknowledging the bid aka turning towards it, or by ignoring it aka turning away. Why is this important? Recognizing bids for connection is critical in connection with your spouse. Often times, bids go unnoticed and/or are misinterpreted. This can be problematic because a lack of connection interferes with a marriages overall happiness. If one spouse offers a bi...