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Seeking to Understand- Week 10

Seeking to Understand One Another & Overcoming Gridlock
Gridlock is when a couple struggles with perpetual issues that end up killing the relationship because they are set in their ways or are unwilling to compromise and work through the conflict. When a couple tries to work on things, and don't seem to get anywhere, it is a good indicator of being gridlocked. Gottman created a list of the signs of gridlock, that can be helpful to couples to identify how they are doing with managing conflict. There is a difference between solvable and perpetual/gridlocked issues, as Gottman explains, it is important to know how to identify the difference between the two, so that it can be approached in a way that is the most helpful. 
One way we can overcome gridlock is by the "Marital Poop Detector"... What is this? Well, Gottman explains that it is the ability to recognize "early whether something just doesn't smell right" or if there is a problem. There is usually one person in the relationship who is the "marital poop detector" because they can sense if something is "off" and can address it with their spouse.  It is important to identify issues early before they become a bigger issue. When couples are aware of their needs, and issues as well as their spouses needs and issues, they are able to know the signs of other issues arising. I think that both my husband and are able to sense when things are "off" with one another, but I tend to be the one who is a little more inquisitive and tuned in with subtle differences. I want to use this as a positive by allowing it to spur helpful communication which will strengthen our relationship. Gottmans book's central message is to know your needs as well as your spouses by communicating and recognizing issues early before they become larger issues. If couples are able to stop things before they become a big issue, their relationship will suffer far less contention.
I have learned so much from Gottman's book! The most important thing I learned from Gottman's book, "The Seven Principles of Making a Marriage Work" was that knowing the 7 principles for making a successful marriage. I know that is a broad answer, but truly that is the most important thing to me because all the principles are necessary for success, and they work together. 
The central message of Goddard's book is to allow for "room" in our marriage for God. It is so important to draw on the strength of your spouse as well as the strength of heaven. This is an area I want to enhance in my marriage. I think that my husband and I do this a bit but could definitely draw on the strength and guidance from God. We have started to pray together more regularly, and have been praying for each other, us as a couple, and for specific things we want help with. I have noticed that the little time we have been prioritizing this, there has been a big difference in our confidence with decision making. I know that when we ask, we will receive. Our Heavenly Father wants to help us, but we must put in effort and let him in.

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